needadate2008

Yeah I found the white gloves for Jared, woo hoo.   Now my plan is to go home... do 2 miles, and then pick up the house.  I haven't decided what I'm having for dinner yet, but a roast beef sandwich and a baked potato sounds pretty good.

 Well... I stuck with my eating plan for the day.  And I am done eating.  I bought the WATP tape and did 2 miles!   Woooooo Hooo!  I'm on my way to a bubble bath in just a minute.

Oh boy.... what a number.  A number I haven't seen in years.  A number I don't even believe.  But, I really don't have a choice do I?  I mean it exists and is true whether or not I believe it. Grrrrrrrr....  I've found myself back in the pit of well... if I wish for it hard enough then it will happen.  When I know it takes action and commitment.  And time.  It's back to loving myself more than I love that 'hug' I get from a good snack.  I need to feel not eat.  I need to PLAN, PLAN, PLAN, and PLAN.  I need to journal.  I need to PLAN! Oh and did I mention, planning?

So in a month an a half I leave for vacation.  I just erased an entire section I wrote about how much I want to lose by then and realized I even NOW realized that it was impossible and would likely cause me to throw my hands up by the end of the day and give up. LOL  So... My goal is to lose 10lbs.  And after that re-evaluate what I want to do.  I know how to do this, I just have to be motivated enough to do it... and not say 'fuck it' when I want to pig out.   And that is the hard part.  I want to be able to eat what I want, when I want it.  But that isn't working out so well for me since it got me to 213 in the first place and has gotten me from 178 to 197 since the holidays. 

As much as I wish I could change this about myself, as much as I could relate 'normally' to food.  It is obvious that I can't do it.  I don't want to do it if the alternative is that I'll be signifigantly overweight.

So... My PLAN for today... Egg Rolls for Lunch and an Apple... No Extended Care Snack... go to Target and buy WATP video to do in the mornings.  And STICK WITH IT FOR A WEEK.